i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
