I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize