I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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