I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize