Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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