I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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