Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
