u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
