my mouth tastes like poor choices
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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