Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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