There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
