i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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