I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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