guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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