he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
