yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
