I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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