Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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