His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Fuck appropriateness.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
