Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize