don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
