somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
