i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
