Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
