If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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