Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
