Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
