She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
