I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
