if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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