He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
