I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
