i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
