we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
