how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize