So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
