all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
