Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
