one might say we're banned from that church
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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