So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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