3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
