What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
