Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
