I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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