I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
