get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
