Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
