We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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