I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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