I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Vodka?
Forever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
