I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The adults are the big ones right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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