i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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