I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
then he tried to convert me to islam
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
