Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
