Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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