So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
