oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
