new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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