She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
