so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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