don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
