If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
