I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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