He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize