porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
