shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
