Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
