My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
