I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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