Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
