And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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