Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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