i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
