Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
