the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
